2022 is here and it's nearly the start of September, it's not quite the most perfect thing but it didn't have to be.
As I'm typing this, there's things that flow through my mind more than water itself. It wasn't something that I thought possible but with time doesn't have to equate to understanding.
My artwork never became what I wanted it to be. It became what I wished it to be but it didn't quite become me until I lost myself. Folks, recently I took an art break. I don't know if it was obvious but I had to stop drawing. Stop thinking about drawing, even. And there's something that I'd like to confess, an embarrassing story if you will. If you read this and you think of a lost one, don't comment. Smile.
A long time ago someone dear passed away and I thought the tears wouldn't stop but..
No matter where I am, I see her.
I see her flying next to me helping to support me.
My little Granny as a humming bird, she's with me in spirit. She talks to me in my dreams telling me to calm myself and sleep. I hear her stories even if she's no longer with us. "To make a long story short" she'd always say... she knew she would ramble for hours and it never stopped her from talking to me.
Last night I dreamt of her garden and how wonderful it was. I tried to tell her about my garden and that my flowers are sick. She told me what to do and I woke up the next morning doing what she told me to do. This happened for at least 3 weeks, and now I have flowers in my yard that I put there.... by accident.
You see, our dear Koda is very big and very adorable now. He was running around when I went to plant these seeds and I spilled some under my boots. I walked around the yard and invertedly planted them deep into the soil. The other day? My roommate had mowed and I was terrified that the flowers were all going to die from his lazy mowing. He had a habit or mowing over the tulips that were sprouting and I had to convince him one year not to... then, when I came home that evening I had groceries...
Imagine my surprise to see him mowing while I try to carry these heavy bags all myself. I grew frusterated I asked him if he needed help when I needed it. That was when I should have admitted I needed his help but I didn't. He went back to mowing so I left the bags by the kitchen counter. I then dropped the jars of milk on the porch, and one shattered instantly. I had to grab the hose and spray it down. "No use crying over spilt milk!" As the saying goes, so I picked up another bag then went back to the store. I rushed into the store and got another milk jug in no less than thirty minutes. When I came back? The groceries were everywhere! And the roommate was at his desk playing video games. To make things quite clear, I was quite unpleased from this.
But my mind drifted to my roommate's point of view, to him he just finished mowing. He just wanted to relax for a bit so why not play a game? Why not let me handle putting them away? Then I grew frusterated and annoyed. Why not? Why not let the milk jug not get replaced?! So I screamed downstairs to come help put them away or "I'll throw them down there!" And the most terrible thing was, I'd never throw bags of groceries at anyone. But my roommate was shocked and he didn't respond. I was shocked that I threatened him like that, and I went to my room. I cried and cried, and I heard her voice.....
"Kaylia now why are you throwing a fit?"
I looked up and I saw her.... my Granny, shining above a complete angel that held me in her arms and petted me. I cried harder and harder. "Granny I'm so mad, I don't know what to do or say anymore" and she held me. She held me close and I cried more. Finally I stopped and I heard her say this...
"Kaylia if you ever scream at someone, you tell them words you mean from your heart not your anger. The little girl I know wouldn't have said that to him. He's a man, but you are still a child." "But!" "No buts!" She bonked my head and she continued. "You want to live with your boyfriend and this friend of his, and you're acting like a spoiled brat. You're not a spoiled brat Kaylia. I raised you better than that. You are a young brillant young woman and you can't let your anger stop you from being a friend. That's my Kaylia I know and love. A friend to all, someone who inspires... someone that I watch and care for..."
And just like that, she was gone.
Her figure vanished and I screamed at her not to go... and then she flew.... Her little hummingbird went back to heaven and she cried too. My dear sweet Granny passed away years ago, and she helped me in that instant to realize I wasn't being the person who I am today....
But it was just a lucid dream! :D I woke up and started to wipe my eyes. As you can imagine, it felt like she was visiting me in that moment.
An hour went by, and my roommate was still downstairs playing his game. My boyfriend would be home soon so I got up and cleaned up the groceries. It wasn't the most fun to be had. But I took joy in what I bought home versus what I said. I never thought I could but I did... Granny was right, I was acting spoiled rotten with my attitude. Crying and yelling wasn't going to get me anywhere. So I grew from that dream and from that frusterating evening
So this is is Kaylia wishing you this: "Don't allow spilled milk to spoil your sense of direction"
Because in truth, we all have things to do today. Don't let one mess up ruin the afternoon.
